I’ve had some really hard days. Although honestly, the people living life around me probably haven’t been able to tell. I’m good at that. I’m good at keeping it together. I’m good at not talking about what’s hurting me or the dreams that I feel are quickly unraveling and slipping right through my fingers. And I go it alone. Because who wants to burden another soul with suffering? Not me. So I’ve learned to keep it in.
And you know what, I’ve also learned somehow to try and keep it from God. I find myself, on the days I’m most hurting, praying for a million other things and maybe just casually mentioning to Him the hurt in my heart. Maybe it’s because I don’t think He can handle it. Or maybe more realistically it’s that I don’t think He will handle it. Or maybe I don’t think He’ll handle it in the way I really want Him to and so I just decide not to give it to Him at all. I shield myself from the disappointment. And I feel as though I’m sparing God my doubt in Him by never handing over the big problems in the first place.
I know deep in my heart that this is not how He wants things to go. This is not how He desired our relationship to be. He didn’t give me His everything in His Son just so I could give Him what I think is safe. He didn’t do the hard work of salvation just so I could do the easy work of hiding from Him behind my walls.
The truth is that so very often I forget that He is good. I forget what it means for God to be good. I forget that God is completely and wholly without darkness and that He is only light. God’s goodness is amazing. This means that His love for me is Good. This also means His plans and His Grace for me are Good. You see if God is only Good, then everything that He has planned for my life can only work toward that Goodness. He erases my sin and pain with His Grace, and He replaces them with healing and life through the Goodness of His Son.
He takes in all of my bad, all of my hurt, all of my unspoken brokenness, and He filters it through the perfection of Jesus. He washes it in Grace. He releases a new me into a world that is no longer filled with darkness but is instead filled with His wonderful light.I was blind, but now I see. Jesus has shown me the way.
Does this sound like a God who is only willing and able to take on the simple problems in your life? No. Instead this is a God who is ready to bear the burdens of your soul. He can handle it, and He can do it more Gracefully than we ever could on our own. There is no good in holding back from God what is hurting you. He sees it anyways. He knows it anyways. Hidden hurt can only multiply itself, but God can erase it.
Jesus came to this earth and He healed the sins of many. He also healed the bodies and hearts of many. And He can do the same for you today. The healing work of Jesus didn’t stop when He ascended into Heaven. Instead, it continued through His Spirit. This Spirit is able to come to you in the darkest of nights, in the toughest of battles, in the hardest places. He goes with you always.
I have my rough days. This is true. But Jesus allows me to break through them. He shines His light right into the shadowy places of my heart and He lights it up with His brightness. His Goodness is better than my suffering. His power is made perfect in my weakness. There are better days ahead when we walk with Him. Our world, while still difficult, becomes easier to bear with Jesus at our side. He can open our eyes to see beyond the narrowness of our current suffering. He can bring physical and spiritual healing. He can bring new life.
“Through many dangers, toils, and snares, I have already come; ‘Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far, and Grace will lead me home. The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures; He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures.” – John Newton
God’s Grace was meant for you. It carries away the dirt of life. God’s Grace means that Jesus can personally attend to your soul. It means that your life is covered. It means that your future with Him is secure. Our sufferings may try to mask the truth that Jesus is in control and that His love for you is Good. But the Holy Spirit can help us to lift up our heads, to dance through this life with joy, because the real truth is that Jesus is making all things new, the real truth is that Jesus has overcome our hard and hurtful world.
Whatever you are struggling with today, be it infertility, relationships, illness, divorce, addiction, pain, know that Jesus has got this and He has not left you alone. You are not alone in this.
John 14:26-27 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.