Everything is melting here. The peaceful sound of trickling streams of water has returned and it is almost as if I can feel the earth heave with a sigh of relief. The winter isn’t over, I know the snow will come. But for now, a most welcome break has arrived and every ounce of my being feels suddenly rested and at peace. My heart has been thawing out too. I’ve only just begun to notice. But I am not who I was 5 years ago. I am not who I was even last year. Each year it seems that God stretches me, asking me to open my arms wider, extend my hand further, lean into Him deeper. And I can feel it, I can feel my heart melting. I can feel it warming up from cold and selfish pride into something more giving, and loving, and understanding. I cry more. Not just tears of sadness but also tears of Joy. I am feeling a departure from my former people pleasing self into someone more real. I am not perfect. I would not even say I am becoming someone who is more “good”. Just that maybe I’m becoming someone more capable of love, more capable of extending and accepting grace in a world that is far from perfect and in situations that seem far from good. I will go where He will lead me, even if it hurts. Because God only melts our hearts to save them, to reach them, to hold them. “If today you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts”. I’m starting to understanding this more clearly. I’m starting to lean in to Him more deeply.
A Fellow Grace Wanderer