Conviction often comes when we least expect it. It comes when we think we’ve got it all together, when we think we’ve overcome a former uglier version of ourselves. It usually comes when we feel that we have got it all under control, when we truly believe that we are kinder more beautiful and more grace giving people. I had an opportunity to give advice this week, except it wasn’t advice my friend was searching for and my words came out laced with a desperation and harsh edge that I thought had disappeared with my youth. And yet there it was. There those words lay. And the most disheartening thing about it is that I didn’t realize what I had done until I received back a harsh reply. Conviction set in. And so did my inability to soak in that I somehow had not rid myself of the wild responses of my younger days and had instead hid them away in some dark and forgotten corner. And I’ve felt raw about it all week. I’ve felt like the reality set in that even though we search desperately to be more graceful and to treat the world with more grace, we are always in desperate need of receiving God’s grace ourselves. Conviction leads to Grace, and Grace leads to growth in Him. It’s the only way to move forward. We must realize our weakness and embrace God’s mercy. All those broken and insecure parts we’re hiding? They must be laid bare before Him in order to be washed clean. Humility comes crashing down hard on us. It’s Grace that lets us Rise again. It’s Grace that makes us valuable even though our flaws made us worthless. God sees your rough and ragged edges…and He smooths them out. But to smooth down stone is a rough and crushing process. Conviction hurts. But God’s Grace restores. Maybe you said the wrong words this week. Maybe a weakness you thought you conquered reappeared. Maybe you discovered a selfish pride had been lurking in the corners of your heart. Maybe you held onto that pride. I did. And I wrestled with it. But we can’t stay down forever. We have to take the hand of Jesus and get back up. Conviction is not meant to destroy us…it’s meant to remake us.
A Fellow Grace Wanderer