Two years ago I felt crushed as I sat in a Mother’s Day church service we were attending. I felt the need to rejoice for my friends who were being honored in their motherhood, and yet felt isolated by the words of scripture presented that day. God called women to be mother’s, how was it that He would not let me become one? It turns out, God never means for us to feel isolated…especially in His word. After receiving encouragement in the Lord from friends later that afternoon, God revealed to me the stories of Hannah, Rachel, Sarah, and Elizabeth and proved to me His deep love and concern for women just like me. If you are preparing for a hard Mother’s Day weekend because of infertility, or are looking for ways to support a friend who is, please head on over to read by clicking the link below:
Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.” Genesis 3 1-3
The story of the burning bush in Genesis has taken on new symbolic meaning for me. God placed this event in scripture on my heart late last week, and for days I could not figure out what it meant. But now He has begun revealing this to me through it: My dreams in life have often become my burning bushes. I have wandered to the far side of the wilderness, as Moses did, to pursue things I could not understand instead of the things I had planned for myself. I walked up to these bushes with this burning thought: “How can this be?”
How is it possible that my heart has found peace as we have entered into the adoption process…something that is certainly not for the faint of heart or weak in spirit? My dream was to be a mother, the natural way. It seemed like a simple request. It seemed normal and something that God was likely to do for me. And yet…God placed this burning bush, adoption, in the far side of the wilderness of my heart and called me to this place with His fire. His power is made perfect in my weakness.
When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!” And Moses said, “Here I am.” “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God. Genesis 3:4-6
I am learning that adoption is holy ground. It was placed in our hearts only by the fire of God. Our weakness led us to this place…and yet God’s strength shines so beautifully in it. I feel as if I could simply insert my name into the passage “when the Lord saw that he had gone to look”…as if it could be read, “when the Lord saw that I had gone over to look, He called to me from within the bush.” It is as if He wanted me to look at adoption all along, and as soon as I was ready, as soon I would hear His voice and wonder about His fire, He would call out my name…and His power would be made evident to me in it.God has asked me to take off my sandals, and He has reiterated who He is to me…Jehovah, Father, Provider, and King.
And like Moses, I have felt the need to hide my face. Because this journey to motherhood is no longer about me. It’s no longer about what I can do. It’s about how God weaves together lives and writes our life stories and sews together the beauty of the universe. It is about God, and only Him. He has called us all into His family through the spirit of adoption. And suddenly I have realized…that my prayer can still be answered. Because this is how God has chosen to build His own family…and I believe so strongly that in this most beautiful way of sacrifice, and love, and surrender, He can build mine too.
But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.” Genesis 3: 11-12
Moses didn’t set His people free…God did. And I won’t set anyone free either. Adoption is about love, all the way around. The love of a birth mother who loves her baby so much that she sacrifices her heart. The love of an adopted mama who has felt the bondage of her own Egypt, infertility, and has felt God redeem parts of her heart she thought could never live again. The love of birth fathers and adoptive fathers who have become witnesses and partakers in the miracle of life. And the love of our Father God…whose over arching Love has set all of us free.
I hear my doubts and fears echoed in Moses’ own thoughts: “Who am I that I should go?” Who am I that could be chosen to forever and always carry a child in my arms that I did not carry in my womb? Who am I to think that I could hold such a sacred place in the heart of a child and a birth mother? And to all of this God answers: ” I will be with you. And I will give you signs so that you know it is I who have sent you, and you will worship God on this mountain.” This mountain I have built so high with my pain and grief and worry through infertility, this mountain that I have still added to as I have begun the paperwork and anxious worrying and waiting in adoption, this mountain that God has stood on top of with me the entire time…on this mountain I will worship God.
There are no guarantees in adoption. No guarantee we will be matched or placed or chosen. But God has made it clear, that this is His holy ground.
God said to Moses, “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I am has sent me to you.’” Genesis 3:14
I believe that God sends people to each other at exactly the right time. I believe that an entire adoption story can point back to my God who tells us, “I AM has sent me to you.” I have heard it argued that adoption should not be viewed as a calling, or as mission. We shouldn’t view ourselves as the Moses of this story, because we aren’t heroes. And I wholeheartedly agree. But I do believe that my Father God is so invested in each of His children that He makes a way for them. I believe that He is the one who opens adoptive parents hearts to adoption in the first place. I believe that He is the one who speaks “choose life” in birth mama’s ear. I believe that He is absolutely involved.
Adoption is most definitely a burning bush like the one God spoke to Moses through. In a perfect story, no mother would have to choose to place her child into it and adoptive mothers simply wouldn’t exist. And yet, because our world is broken and our dreams don’t always come true, He places this beautiful promise at the far end of the wilderness…He allows adoption to catch our eye, to cause us to wonder and to hope, to humble us deeply, and to place our lives and hearts into His powerful hands where they belong and where they are most treasured.
So this coming Mother’s Day, I will be here marveling at how the God of Genesis, and of Moses, and of burning bushes, chooses to also be my God and to speak into my heart in the most miraculous ways. He has taken my weaknesses, and used them for His glory. I trust that though I am weak and unworthy as Moses was, that my God is strong and powerful.
We will be scheduling our homestudy in the next couple of months, and though I am anxious, I know that God will lead us to where we need to be. My goals and outcomes are now subject to His love and mercy. Wherever He chooses to lead us in this, I pray we will bravely follow. But for now, I am simply taking off my sandals, and patiently standing on God’s holy ground. It’s not just about me, it’s about how God will wield His beautiful power in this story.
I AM who I Am has brought me to this place. And that is everything that I need to know.