40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 40


Dear Reader, 

40 days have gone by in the blink of an eye. Half way through, I wasn’t sure I could finish. The enemy surely hit me full force in his efforts to keep me from focusing on really speaking to my Heavenly Father through out the entirety of this series. But here is what I have learned, and I hope you’ve learned too: I can never be as faithful to my Father as He is to me. Prayer is surrender, laying every thought and every plan and every desire into the palms of His hands. Stepping back is what God asks of me once I ask Him to step in. He is the joy giver, the truth bringer, the hope maker, the Grace gifter. Maybe you witnessed a miracle over the course of these 40 days, or maybe your miracle was that God changed something in you. Every plan I had for this series was broken and yet molded by God into something new and better. If I can say anything about what all this time in real and focused and intentional conversation with my Father in the throne room of Heaven has done for me, it’s that it has caused me to know Him better and to trust Him all the more. He has seen my brokenness and yet He hears my voice. Every plan I lay will break, but every moment He weaves will serve a purpose forever. Friends, thank you for praying alongside me and for letting me know how God has been working in you. He gets all the glory, and all my days He will get all my prayers. May His face shine upon you, friends. May you know Him better with every passing hour. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

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40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 39 


Dear Reader, 

I’ve been thinking over all of the contradictory prayers I’ve prayed in the course of my life. There were times that I prayed God would answer quickly, or before a certain date, but also prayed that God’s will be done. There were times I prayed for situations to come to pass, but afterwards realized it wasn’t what I wanted and then prayed for the reversal of such things. I take one step forward towards surrendering my will to God, but then soon after find myself standing three steps back in my disbelief. The Grace of all of this is that Jesus keeps interceding for us, that the Holy Spirit knows what it is our heart needs, and they relay that to the Father. There are times we pray for things that we don’t understand. But God always understands. I have found moments of Grace in prayers that I thought had gone unanswered or that had been answered with a “no”. Looking back, I can see the beauty of God at work even in the heights of my disappointment. There is great importance in praying “Thy will be done”. Even Jesus prayed this in the garden of Gethsemane when He requested that the cup He was about to drink, death and betrayal, would pass. Even then, He prayed it. Even then He surrendered to God, and in His surrender saved our very souls. We can ask for hard things to pass. Scripture plainly shows that God is able to crumble our mountains and miraculously heal our ailments and bring back to life what we thought was dead. But it must be His will that accomplishes this and not our own, because the truth of it is that we know not what we ask. We see in part, but He sees the whole. Prayer allows us to become witnesses to the will of God. We ask and we see Him answer. He speaks and we hear His voice. Each answered prayer is a testimony to His Grace and power, and every “no” He utters is a moment of Mercy as He delivers instead what is best and what is Good. We will make mistakes, even in our prayers. But God never once makes a mistake in His answers toward us. We can trust that how He answers is perfect, even if it seems hard or inconvenient or not what we had hoped. Our Father knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows each chapter that is needed in our lives.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 38 


Dear Reader, 

I write to you out of reflection from this week gone by, filled with both blessing and burden. It appears to me that life is in fact a balancing act, as they say. The blessings pour in and the provision stands evident and yet at the same time there are hard things which remind us that our crosses still feel heavy even as our hearts can feel the freedom Christ has brought to them. With every prayer I’ve prayed over these last 38 days, I have indeed seen God move. His movement has not always been in the direction I had hoped, but it has always been for good. But Good doesn’t mean easy, and I am learning that is the way of Grace filled things. They are often heavy and yet at the same time miraculous. What have been your blessings and burdens this past week? What has God shown you that you must pick up and what has He asked you to set down? With each day I’ve prayed I’ve begun to see God more clearly. He has shown up in my questioning. He has been present in my uncertainty. He has led me to seek hard things and has challenged me to face those things with Grace. Hard weeks also harbor hard fought blessings. There is blessing even in your burdens. And even as we ask and continue to see blessing after blessing, as long as we are in this world we will experience the hard effects of the burden of brokenness alongside those blessings. Jesus never promised this world would be easy, but He promised that what He fought for was worth it. He promises we never go alone. He promises that we are heard by our Father because of Him. And all of this is Grace. All of this gives Hope. And all He does for us breathes Life into these wearied bones and these tired souls. He is the one thing needed, and that is why I bow my head and fold my hands and always always look to find His blessing in the burdens. Because He stands for me and He stands for you and His love will move all our mountains and His heart will always beat with Hope for us. And this is Grace, that while we were still in our sins Christ died for us, and while we are still living in this broken world He lives for us too. Your prayers are heard by a Living Savior and a real God.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 36 & 37 


Dear Reader, 

Yesterday, I prayed hard for a really specific situation that was taking place. I was certain that if I had enough confidence that God would answer, and that He would answer in the way I had hoped. I was sure that what I was praying for would happen, even though it made absolutely no sense and was so completely unlikely. Yet, I could feel it in my bones, that this time God was going to come through in a miraculous way. Instead, what I so desperately wanted didn’t happen. I felt foolish. Like all my faith had really just been an inflated self ego and that because I dared to hope, God had to bend. I believe God is Good. His word says that if we ask Him in faith, we shall receive. But perhaps this generation, and myself, has misunderstood His sentiment here. Today, we ask for things and we expect an immediate response, not only from God but from technology and other people in our lives. We can’t let a day go by without responding to that Facebook notification or without posting an update on Instagram, and because that is how we are wired, we expect God to react in accordance to what we are used to. But His ways aren’t our ways, and His thoughts aren’t our thoughts. That doesn’t mean that His ways or thoughts work against us. Instead, they work so deeply because of His love for us that what He freely gives will take the time that it so desperately deserves in order to be done right. He doesn’t rush production to meet our deadlines. He doesn’t skip out on writing a chapter in order to hurry up and tell us how something will end. No. On this earth we are time bound beings, and the creator of time itself won’t work against the beautiful way He has created us and has designed our stories. Our testimonies depend on the timing of God, and the way He weaves that time holds all the Grace. We can pray for specific things or specific moments, but God works for specific purpose. That purpose is that we would see, and know, and understand His love for us and His power in our lives better. Keep praying. But also keep surrendering to Him. Keep surrendering time to Him. In earnest prayer we approach His throne and at just the right time He makes His Glory known to us.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 34 & 35 


Dear Reader, 

Lately when I pray God has been speaking to me about trust. What does it mean to let go and let God? I often think I’ve surrendered to His will, but then God keeps working on my heart and peeling away at more and more layers that I didn’t even realize existed, and with each layer He pulls away I find that my grip is still fixed tight on things I thought I had let go of. God knows me better than I know myself. That’s a new realization for me, but I used to think I always knew that. God not only knows what’s best, but He knows me best. How beautiful is it that our Father God cares and loves us so much that He has made it His business to know us better than we know ourselves. How beautiful is it that throughout time He continues to grow us and continues to reveal more to us not only about His heart but also our own? He makes beautiful things. Can we trust Him with that tonight? Maybe as we walk through these last five days of continuous prayer, continuous real conversation with the king of Heaven, we can learn to trust Him more and to trust more about what He has revealed about us through our time with Him. We can let Him mold us, even if it’s hard and it hurts because we can trust His intentions for us and we can trust that He is wholly Good. His Goodness is directed at us. We’re the ones He came to save. We’re the ones who can walk this life Brave because of what He has done and what He will always and forever create for us and in us. God is beautiful, and so is everything He so lovingly molds by His hand and breathes to Life with His breath. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 32 & 33


Dear Reader, 

I wandered into these 40 Days of Prayer hoping to experience a miracle. We are in the waiting stages of adoption and I had secretly hoped God would show up within these 40 days in a mighty way. That maybe by the end I would have a testimony of how God finally built our family, or something along those lines. To be honest these 40 days have been rough. That’s not to say that God has not shown up. I can feel Him working in reverse on my heart, the ways I thought He would work being turned inside out. He has used the small moments to remind me He is listening, and the absence of the physical presence of the desires of my heart have held me in captivation of His every word, knowing only He can provide what I need. He is speaking to me in many ways, though I admit not specifically about what I had hoped He would. So how do you keep praying when it feels like what you want is at the mercy of your God? You pray for what you need, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. Until all those prayerful moments amount to years and all those years amount to a living testimony in which you can proclaim, God has provided. We live in a world of want, but Jesus came to supply all our needs. I hang on to the hope that God hears our most desperate prayers, like those of Hannah as she prayed for her child. He knows what we want, but He wants to give us what we need because He can see how everything intertwines and how every prayer will play out into eternity. In a world of instant gratification, we must come to understand the eternity of our God. What if all of our Bible heroes had every one of their prayers instantly answered? How different would things have turned out? What if God had let Moses give up right when He was called to from the burning bush? What if Mary hadn’t said “Lord, be it as you say” to carrying the Savior of the world? What if Abraham was granted Issac immediately? Would we have understood how serious God is or how He loves us throughout time? We would have missed out on all of their testimonies. So tonight I pray for peace to surrender. Picking up a cross looks nothing like getting all I ever wanted. But the weight of Christ’s glory makes it beautiful.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

How to Love: Grace When We Don’t Understand 


Dear Reader, 

We love butterflies specifically for their many colors, and yet when it comes to the many beautiful colors of people we find barriers. We see “difference” as something to fear, instead of to praise God for. We see it with many things. We see the harsh criticisms across denominational lines of what we as Christians “should” believe, but the truth there should be simple. As Christians we “should” believe in the Bible as sole truth. However, ask Christians from different denominations and they will explain that truth differently. We can’t agree, even on something as simple as what is truth. If we elevate this to the color of the people in this world, we find the same holds true. Everyone believes the answer is simple, to love. But it would appear that what love looks like is understood differently by many. My husband and I are hoping to adopt our first child, and friends, I have no idea what race our baby will be. But I want them to know they are loved by us fully. I fear for how they may perceive “love” in this world. The “truth” spoken “in love” by this world is often not truth at all, but hatred dressed up in sheep’s clothing. Every single person has great worth, great beauty, great potential to love one another. But we must seek out how to love. What does it mean to love someone who is different than us? It means to speak up when the world has lost its mind and its heart. It means to be humbled and admit when we’ve been wrong or when we’ve been unable to understand. In order to love deeply, we must begin to understand where we have gone wrong and how we can do better. How can we understand what we have done if we never speak to those we have hurt with our silence or with our wrong words? God’s love is so much deeper than the surface love we often offer other people. Saying there is no problem simply means we can’t see the problem. It’s like closing our eyes in the midst of a tragedy and saying the commotion is nothing serious. To love our neighbor takes humility not condescension. To love our neighbor takes real conversation and real concern. Wherever you stand, don’t stand for hatred. Love, and learn what love means. We’re all learning together. Apart we fail.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 31


Dear Reader, 

Originally, I thought that by the end of praying these 40 days that God would remove what was ordinary and replace it with something extraordinary. Instead, He has shown me over and over that nothing is really ordinary, that everything and every moment has extraordinary purpose and each prayer has the possibility to build and connect the moments of this life into one beautiful tapestry painstakingly woven together by the King of Kings specifically for each one of His children. I had hoped that the end result of my constant prayers would be that God would take notice and would show up in a huge way, but what He has revealed to me is that He has been actively working wonders in my life all along. He has opened my eyes to the things I was blind to, and He has opened my heart to receive His extraordinary Grace in every ordinary moment that I walk through. He is the Father of all ages, to the wanderer and the lost. He seeks us out and Loves us relentlessly. I hope to forever document His Grace, because even in a life as seemingly ordinary as mine, He has done marvelous and extraordinary things. He is a God worthy to be prayed to, and His love is to be wanted to the ends of the earth and beyond. What has God been doing for you, friend? How has He been moving in your life? I would love to hear your story! 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 29 & 30


Dear Reader, 

It’s amazing to me that when I open my eyes wide enough, when I become present to the Living God, I can physically see His Goodness play out in the world around me. I’ve been witness over the last two weeks to a series of answered prayers. Each prayer tying in with another and God intertwining the answers to both beautifully. I prayed for safety for two things, one was for God to watch over my nanny kids which we pray for in song each day I’m with them before their naps, and the other prayer was for safe travels for my sisters and I as we journeyed down to Missouri. Last week my nanny kids and I were driving home when another driver hit my back passenger door head on. God worked a miracle and made certain that we all walked away with not a single scratch. Our car is still not fixed because we are waiting on the other party’s insurance to come through and I have been feeling all kinds of discouragement over this. It is our only car. My sister offered to let us drive her car down to Missouri instead for our girls trip together, and my husband drove our beat up car to work while he was home all week. This morning he texted me as we were on our way home to tell me that he woke to find the car battery had died and he had to ride his bike to the repair shop to get a new replacement battery. Friends, that was God SHOWING UP. My sisters and I are clueless when it comes to fixing cars. If I hadn’t been in that accident I would have driven that car down to St. Louis and the battery would have died who knows where. I had all kinds of anxiety about driving to a place I had never been. God truly spared my heart here. I know this isn’t exactly a lovely worded testimonial today, but it is proof that God hears real life prayers and that He answers them. It is proof that God knows how and when to answer us. Prayers are like a symphony, with all kinds of moving parts, intermissions, and instruments. If you look closely friends, you will see how God is weaving your story. It is a humbling experience and I truly believe it changes how we see Him. Document those answered prayers, friends. Document moments of Grace. Your testimony is a living story that can jump right off the page.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 28


Dear Reader, 

I’m in a new place tonight, visiting my sister in her new hometown in her very first apartment with her husband. I keep thinking how even though we live in different states now, being with them still feels like home. And I think this is true about new seasons of our life as well, that though they are new they still carry elements of what and who we already know so well. This is how God builds our lives, allowing our relationships and experiences to stick with us as we walk through new fires and as we stand on new peaks. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever yet His mercies are new every morning. If we could look over a transcript of every prayer we have ever prayed we would find bits and pieces of who we were seasoning the bits and pieces of who we are becoming. We are throwing off the old sinful ways, and yet the ways God has grown us still very much impact how we see what is up ahead. In your prayer life tonight and over these 40 days, I hope you will remember to embrace how far God has brought you already and to hold steady to the hope that who He is molding you into needs all the parts of who you have been. God is writing a complete story in you, a story where all the parts connect and transition beautifully into each new chapter building off of what was and springing forward better prepared into what will be. God loves all parts of your story, and He seasons your life with Grace. Let go of the shame, but hold onto the victories. Because this is what the Lord our God wants for us, to be free from sin and to rejoice in the strong everlasting testimonies He has given each one of us. Tonight in your prayer life consider how far He has brought you and know that He will bring you even further still! 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer