40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 34 & 35 


Dear Reader, 

Lately when I pray God has been speaking to me about trust. What does it mean to let go and let God? I often think I’ve surrendered to His will, but then God keeps working on my heart and peeling away at more and more layers that I didn’t even realize existed, and with each layer He pulls away I find that my grip is still fixed tight on things I thought I had let go of. God knows me better than I know myself. That’s a new realization for me, but I used to think I always knew that. God not only knows what’s best, but He knows me best. How beautiful is it that our Father God cares and loves us so much that He has made it His business to know us better than we know ourselves. How beautiful is it that throughout time He continues to grow us and continues to reveal more to us not only about His heart but also our own? He makes beautiful things. Can we trust Him with that tonight? Maybe as we walk through these last five days of continuous prayer, continuous real conversation with the king of Heaven, we can learn to trust Him more and to trust more about what He has revealed about us through our time with Him. We can let Him mold us, even if it’s hard and it hurts because we can trust His intentions for us and we can trust that He is wholly Good. His Goodness is directed at us. We’re the ones He came to save. We’re the ones who can walk this life Brave because of what He has done and what He will always and forever create for us and in us. God is beautiful, and so is everything He so lovingly molds by His hand and breathes to Life with His breath. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 32 & 33


Dear Reader, 

I wandered into these 40 Days of Prayer hoping to experience a miracle. We are in the waiting stages of adoption and I had secretly hoped God would show up within these 40 days in a mighty way. That maybe by the end I would have a testimony of how God finally built our family, or something along those lines. To be honest these 40 days have been rough. That’s not to say that God has not shown up. I can feel Him working in reverse on my heart, the ways I thought He would work being turned inside out. He has used the small moments to remind me He is listening, and the absence of the physical presence of the desires of my heart have held me in captivation of His every word, knowing only He can provide what I need. He is speaking to me in many ways, though I admit not specifically about what I had hoped He would. So how do you keep praying when it feels like what you want is at the mercy of your God? You pray for what you need, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. Until all those prayerful moments amount to years and all those years amount to a living testimony in which you can proclaim, God has provided. We live in a world of want, but Jesus came to supply all our needs. I hang on to the hope that God hears our most desperate prayers, like those of Hannah as she prayed for her child. He knows what we want, but He wants to give us what we need because He can see how everything intertwines and how every prayer will play out into eternity. In a world of instant gratification, we must come to understand the eternity of our God. What if all of our Bible heroes had every one of their prayers instantly answered? How different would things have turned out? What if God had let Moses give up right when He was called to from the burning bush? What if Mary hadn’t said “Lord, be it as you say” to carrying the Savior of the world? What if Abraham was granted Issac immediately? Would we have understood how serious God is or how He loves us throughout time? We would have missed out on all of their testimonies. So tonight I pray for peace to surrender. Picking up a cross looks nothing like getting all I ever wanted. But the weight of Christ’s glory makes it beautiful.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 15 


Dear Reader, 

This week has been incredibly discouraging for me. Things I’ve tried to do have failed, people I’ve tried to love have shut me down, and the wait to grow our family has weighed heavy on my heart these last few days. This is truth though, and I know it to be so, that whenever we lean in closer to God and His calling and whenever we REALLY try to live out our love for Him, life will get hard. It’s not even a maybe. It’s a definite response to how things will play out. I have actively tried to change my life and surrender myself to God. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect or that I will always say the right things. In fact, it will probably mean that I say the wrong things more. What I’m trying to say here is that my original topic of Prayer over these 40 days was “grow my family”. And God is definitely growing me, and it feels like He is growing my husband too and other close family members. I meant when I prayed those words that I wanted God to bless us with children soon. But God heard my words and knew that I needed more than that. I needed self reflection. I needed to break down more of my walls. I needed to surrender more of my heart and humble more of my soul. That’s how God has chosen to grow my family so far, by first growing me. I don’t know what you have been praying over, but I do know that you’ve probably had difficult days too. The enemy sees when we join together in prayer and he will try everything to discourage you. But friend, you are Loved and heard and granted power to overcome by the Lover of your soul, the King of Heaven. Stay strong. Press on. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 14


Dear Reader, 

Last night we rode our bikes down the lake trail and caught a few moments of music in the park. Sometimes when I really look around at our life, I find that it’s what I had always hoped for. Except, I can still name a few things that are missing, namely more members of our family. The truth is though, living out here in this small town in the country is what I dreamed of as a little girl growing up near the big city. I wanted room to breathe and to grow. I had forgotten that I had wanted this, until we moved out here a couple of years ago. And just like that I saw how God was working, how He cared enough to send little me to the place I was hoping for. God is in the details. He cares about all of our small and seemingly meaningless thoughts and hopes. He works everything into the tapestry of Grace and Hope. Are there things He hasn’t given me? Yes. But I’m learning to trust that His answers are always gloriously best. So tonight sweet friends, trust where He is planting you or where He is sending you. There is purpose and grace to it all, even in the hard seasons and even when all we can see are the hard days. Keep lifting those prayers up to Heaven and watch as God answers and sends and gives. He is so Good. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

A Grace Note: Always Free, Always Brave 


Dear Reader, 

There are many in the world today who don’t have freedom, but are incredibly brave. And there are people in the world who are incredibly free, but lack bravery. The beauty of Jesus is that it doesn’t matter if you are brave or free or both. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom”. No matter what country you live in, in Jesus we get to experience both, because only He can make us both brave and free. He breaks every chain. He gives life where death once reigned. He wins every victory and gives us the strength to win every battle. His grace frees us from every evil thing that once held us in bondage. As Christians we will always be free in Him. May we also always be brave in Him. May we who call ourselves His people and who live in the nation of the free, always be willing to fight for the physical freedom of others in this world because we know the One who fought to the death for the Spiritual freedom of the whole world. In His freedom we find grace, and truth, and life, and the fire to continue the fight for the physical and spiritual freedom of the people on this earth. Jesus reigns. May that be our victory. He who sets the captives free has come that we may have life in His name and that we would proclaim it as loud as we can. So what say you, free people? Will you who are free continue to be brave in Him? Will you use your American freedom to honor the name of Jesus who broke your every chain? Being an American does not make you “more Christian”. But it does mean you have been given great responsibility, to be brave in Christ as well as Free in this physical life. May we always understand the magnitude of our physical freedom in this country and may we be propelled by the incredible depth of our spiritual freedom to preach and to teach and to feed the hungry and to free the oppressed and to advocate for those who have no voice, in Jesus name and to His Glory. You were born free for a reason. Give your physical freedom to Jesus and watch how our incredible God moves in this world. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

A Grace Note: Dreams and Grace 


Dear Reader, 

I just keep thinking about these sunsets, how they signify an end but also a beginning. I keep thinking of how God causes the sun to rise like a burning fire across the sky, and how He has called it to set in the same fiery fashion. And this is how we can transition from one stage in life to the next, with the same fire burning brightly when we rise and when we set. “I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end” Sometimes, it feels like we live in a world where passion for anything is merely fleeting, because just as quickly as the wind shifts, so do our desires. And yet, God is permanent and eternal. His people then, who are ignited with their dreams and passions by the fire of His Spirit, can hold fast to the knowledge that what He has started in us, He will finish. This is how we can pursue our dreams, when we know that the dreams we hold were given to us by our Creator and are sustained by our Father God. He is the navigator of our lives. He is the lover of our souls. He is the King of our hearts. So what is it that God has placed on your heart? The temptation of this world is to do what is easy and what will yield the quickest reward, but our God often calls us to what is hard so that we can experience the permanence of His provision for us and the vastness of His Grace.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

A Grace Note: Why America’s Leaders Don’t Define You


My husband and I traveled to Yellowstone in August and my mind is fixed on this photo that I took while we were there. The God who created the universe also created this rushing river and those rising pines and that glorious cover of light which arises each morning to faithfully awaken the earth. My husband pointed out this morning that in last night’s debate, neither candidate said “God bless America”, and I think the realization of that is breaking my heart just a little, because I look at this photo and I remember how God has richly provided for this nation of wanderers and home seekers and those who seek refuge and freedom, and I just can’t understand why we wouldn’t ask Him to keep blessing this land. But I remembered that this nation has provided religious freedom, and with that freedom from religion. And my heart aches because no I don’t think the government should tell you what to believe or what to think, but I do long for America’s people to see and to know that there is more freedom in Christ than this country could ever offer, and with His freedom comes rest and peace…not rhetoric and lies. If your heart is hurting from watching the debate, and hearing the heartbreaking rhetoric of those who desire to be our leaders, take heart in knowing that our citizenship is in Heaven and that this world is not our home. Take heart that Heaven is also a place for the home seekers, those who seek refuge, and those who have wandered. Heaven is the ideal, and while America struggles in her efforts to even come close to that, all we can do as citizens of Heaven is to continue to love, continue to pursue peace, continue to lead lives of humility and of the Gospel. Our earthly leaders don’t define us, only our Heavenly leaders do, only Christ does. And so even if our leaders never utter these words again…we who are of Christ continue to do so, God bless America and her people. We are the land of the free because of the brave, and the brave are those who keep striving for peace. 

An Evening Grace Note: The First of Many

Dear Reader,

I feel God’s Grace so strongly when the wind picks up a cool autumn breeze, complete with the scent of burning leaves and dry weathered wood, and wraps me up in it. It’s like a moment of warmth and crisp autumnal Grace all combined, all vying for my heart, all whispering the goodness of God and stilling my heart to hear His voice. I want to invite you to sit around this autumn grace with me tonight.

The world is a hard place and its people are just as challenging. We are just as challenging. But God is always up for those challenges. And I can feel His assurance even though my relationships are hard right now. I can experience His peace even though life is in turmoil. I can dwell in His rest…even though I live in a high powered world with high powered people and schedules, and expectations, and spectators.

Do you know God holds your life in His hands? And not in a threatening, power hungry way. Instead He holds your life in His hands in a meaningful, mending, mighty way. You contain His life and His life is yours. He was broken and poured out for you, because you were broken and being poured out for nothing. The Grace of Christ is the glue for your life. And moments around the fire as autumn leaves crackle before you and for just a second your world feels at peace? Moments like this where you can just take a second to breathe? That’s God allowing the glue of Grace to dry, to hold you back together.

People are hard…but so were you. If God can shower us with Grace when we are falling apart, and saying the wrong things, and chasing the wrong dreams, and holding on to baggage which is calling to us like idols, then maybe we could choose to love a world that seems unlovable and too hard and too heart wrenching. Maybe you said the wrong things today…maybe you forgot about Grace…I know I did. It’s ok, dear reader. There is more Grace to be had, more Grace to be experienced, and more Grace to give. There is more Grace in God. And if He lives in us, then we possess the ability to live with Grace upon Grace upon Grace.

Sometimes we just need to remember Him. Sometimes we just need to go through the fire to once again recall how homesick we are for Heaven. Sometimes we just need to sit by His fire and warm up to the idea that loving, and living, and giving are hard…but worth it. God saw that you were hard…but He decided that you were worth it too. Those hard people we are hearing? Those hard lives we are living? They are worth it. God says they are, and I think deep down you know it too.

You are loved in this hard world by a mighty and Graceful God, that you might show that same love that you have received to others. Keep striving for Grace…keep setting down discouragement and failure and judgement and baggage…and pick up more of His Spirit as it gently yet powerfully comes to us in these autumn breezes.

In Him,

A fellow wanderer in this home away from home.