40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 34 & 35 


Dear Reader, 

Lately when I pray God has been speaking to me about trust. What does it mean to let go and let God? I often think I’ve surrendered to His will, but then God keeps working on my heart and peeling away at more and more layers that I didn’t even realize existed, and with each layer He pulls away I find that my grip is still fixed tight on things I thought I had let go of. God knows me better than I know myself. That’s a new realization for me, but I used to think I always knew that. God not only knows what’s best, but He knows me best. How beautiful is it that our Father God cares and loves us so much that He has made it His business to know us better than we know ourselves. How beautiful is it that throughout time He continues to grow us and continues to reveal more to us not only about His heart but also our own? He makes beautiful things. Can we trust Him with that tonight? Maybe as we walk through these last five days of continuous prayer, continuous real conversation with the king of Heaven, we can learn to trust Him more and to trust more about what He has revealed about us through our time with Him. We can let Him mold us, even if it’s hard and it hurts because we can trust His intentions for us and we can trust that He is wholly Good. His Goodness is directed at us. We’re the ones He came to save. We’re the ones who can walk this life Brave because of what He has done and what He will always and forever create for us and in us. God is beautiful, and so is everything He so lovingly molds by His hand and breathes to Life with His breath. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

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40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 32 & 33


Dear Reader, 

I wandered into these 40 Days of Prayer hoping to experience a miracle. We are in the waiting stages of adoption and I had secretly hoped God would show up within these 40 days in a mighty way. That maybe by the end I would have a testimony of how God finally built our family, or something along those lines. To be honest these 40 days have been rough. That’s not to say that God has not shown up. I can feel Him working in reverse on my heart, the ways I thought He would work being turned inside out. He has used the small moments to remind me He is listening, and the absence of the physical presence of the desires of my heart have held me in captivation of His every word, knowing only He can provide what I need. He is speaking to me in many ways, though I admit not specifically about what I had hoped He would. So how do you keep praying when it feels like what you want is at the mercy of your God? You pray for what you need, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. Until all those prayerful moments amount to years and all those years amount to a living testimony in which you can proclaim, God has provided. We live in a world of want, but Jesus came to supply all our needs. I hang on to the hope that God hears our most desperate prayers, like those of Hannah as she prayed for her child. He knows what we want, but He wants to give us what we need because He can see how everything intertwines and how every prayer will play out into eternity. In a world of instant gratification, we must come to understand the eternity of our God. What if all of our Bible heroes had every one of their prayers instantly answered? How different would things have turned out? What if God had let Moses give up right when He was called to from the burning bush? What if Mary hadn’t said “Lord, be it as you say” to carrying the Savior of the world? What if Abraham was granted Issac immediately? Would we have understood how serious God is or how He loves us throughout time? We would have missed out on all of their testimonies. So tonight I pray for peace to surrender. Picking up a cross looks nothing like getting all I ever wanted. But the weight of Christ’s glory makes it beautiful.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

How to Love: Grace When We Don’t Understand 


Dear Reader, 

We love butterflies specifically for their many colors, and yet when it comes to the many beautiful colors of people we find barriers. We see “difference” as something to fear, instead of to praise God for. We see it with many things. We see the harsh criticisms across denominational lines of what we as Christians “should” believe, but the truth there should be simple. As Christians we “should” believe in the Bible as sole truth. However, ask Christians from different denominations and they will explain that truth differently. We can’t agree, even on something as simple as what is truth. If we elevate this to the color of the people in this world, we find the same holds true. Everyone believes the answer is simple, to love. But it would appear that what love looks like is understood differently by many. My husband and I are hoping to adopt our first child, and friends, I have no idea what race our baby will be. But I want them to know they are loved by us fully. I fear for how they may perceive “love” in this world. The “truth” spoken “in love” by this world is often not truth at all, but hatred dressed up in sheep’s clothing. Every single person has great worth, great beauty, great potential to love one another. But we must seek out how to love. What does it mean to love someone who is different than us? It means to speak up when the world has lost its mind and its heart. It means to be humbled and admit when we’ve been wrong or when we’ve been unable to understand. In order to love deeply, we must begin to understand where we have gone wrong and how we can do better. How can we understand what we have done if we never speak to those we have hurt with our silence or with our wrong words? God’s love is so much deeper than the surface love we often offer other people. Saying there is no problem simply means we can’t see the problem. It’s like closing our eyes in the midst of a tragedy and saying the commotion is nothing serious. To love our neighbor takes humility not condescension. To love our neighbor takes real conversation and real concern. Wherever you stand, don’t stand for hatred. Love, and learn what love means. We’re all learning together. Apart we fail.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 31


Dear Reader, 

Originally, I thought that by the end of praying these 40 days that God would remove what was ordinary and replace it with something extraordinary. Instead, He has shown me over and over that nothing is really ordinary, that everything and every moment has extraordinary purpose and each prayer has the possibility to build and connect the moments of this life into one beautiful tapestry painstakingly woven together by the King of Kings specifically for each one of His children. I had hoped that the end result of my constant prayers would be that God would take notice and would show up in a huge way, but what He has revealed to me is that He has been actively working wonders in my life all along. He has opened my eyes to the things I was blind to, and He has opened my heart to receive His extraordinary Grace in every ordinary moment that I walk through. He is the Father of all ages, to the wanderer and the lost. He seeks us out and Loves us relentlessly. I hope to forever document His Grace, because even in a life as seemingly ordinary as mine, He has done marvelous and extraordinary things. He is a God worthy to be prayed to, and His love is to be wanted to the ends of the earth and beyond. What has God been doing for you, friend? How has He been moving in your life? I would love to hear your story! 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 29 & 30


Dear Reader, 

It’s amazing to me that when I open my eyes wide enough, when I become present to the Living God, I can physically see His Goodness play out in the world around me. I’ve been witness over the last two weeks to a series of answered prayers. Each prayer tying in with another and God intertwining the answers to both beautifully. I prayed for safety for two things, one was for God to watch over my nanny kids which we pray for in song each day I’m with them before their naps, and the other prayer was for safe travels for my sisters and I as we journeyed down to Missouri. Last week my nanny kids and I were driving home when another driver hit my back passenger door head on. God worked a miracle and made certain that we all walked away with not a single scratch. Our car is still not fixed because we are waiting on the other party’s insurance to come through and I have been feeling all kinds of discouragement over this. It is our only car. My sister offered to let us drive her car down to Missouri instead for our girls trip together, and my husband drove our beat up car to work while he was home all week. This morning he texted me as we were on our way home to tell me that he woke to find the car battery had died and he had to ride his bike to the repair shop to get a new replacement battery. Friends, that was God SHOWING UP. My sisters and I are clueless when it comes to fixing cars. If I hadn’t been in that accident I would have driven that car down to St. Louis and the battery would have died who knows where. I had all kinds of anxiety about driving to a place I had never been. God truly spared my heart here. I know this isn’t exactly a lovely worded testimonial today, but it is proof that God hears real life prayers and that He answers them. It is proof that God knows how and when to answer us. Prayers are like a symphony, with all kinds of moving parts, intermissions, and instruments. If you look closely friends, you will see how God is weaving your story. It is a humbling experience and I truly believe it changes how we see Him. Document those answered prayers, friends. Document moments of Grace. Your testimony is a living story that can jump right off the page.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 28


Dear Reader, 

I’m in a new place tonight, visiting my sister in her new hometown in her very first apartment with her husband. I keep thinking how even though we live in different states now, being with them still feels like home. And I think this is true about new seasons of our life as well, that though they are new they still carry elements of what and who we already know so well. This is how God builds our lives, allowing our relationships and experiences to stick with us as we walk through new fires and as we stand on new peaks. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever yet His mercies are new every morning. If we could look over a transcript of every prayer we have ever prayed we would find bits and pieces of who we were seasoning the bits and pieces of who we are becoming. We are throwing off the old sinful ways, and yet the ways God has grown us still very much impact how we see what is up ahead. In your prayer life tonight and over these 40 days, I hope you will remember to embrace how far God has brought you already and to hold steady to the hope that who He is molding you into needs all the parts of who you have been. God is writing a complete story in you, a story where all the parts connect and transition beautifully into each new chapter building off of what was and springing forward better prepared into what will be. God loves all parts of your story, and He seasons your life with Grace. Let go of the shame, but hold onto the victories. Because this is what the Lord our God wants for us, to be free from sin and to rejoice in the strong everlasting testimonies He has given each one of us. Tonight in your prayer life consider how far He has brought you and know that He will bring you even further still! 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 26 & 27


Dear Reader, 

We pray because we want God to move and we hope that He will move us too. But sometimes it feels like we pray and nothing moves. Our feet still feel stuck in the ground we wish would be shaken before us, and we feel as if God is silent. Only the truth is that God is at work whether we are tuned into Him or not. There are days when I feel like Prayer has become mechanical, the opposite of what our very Spirit giving God desires it to be. I know that I “should” pray and so I do. I know that God can move and so I request it. But that’s different than believing that what God does through prayer is real and life altering. I dearly desire to throw out my expectations of “should” and “can” when it comes to my relationship with my Father God. He doesn’t work within the confines of the small box of my understanding. His Spirit flows freely apart from my expectations and my desired experiences. God will always do what is Good, whether we understand what that means for us or not. He is the Creator, He is our Father, He is the Almighty, and we can trust everything He does or chooses not to do. His love for you is so great. May we trust His movements, even when we feel stuck within our own expectations of time and space. Our God is eternal and the timelines He so lovingly weaves for us works into that beautiful tapestry of now and beyond. We may want instant answers, but He knows we need something everlasting. He makes everything beautiful in its own time. He is at work making your life beautiful too. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 25 


Dear Reader, 

When we pray we often believe that we are inviting God into our lives. The truth about prayer is that it is actually more about us walking into the open arms and the eternal life of our Father. God invites us in. He throws open wide the doorways of His throne room in order to hear us and to greet us as His family. He is our King and yet also our Father. It seems almost silly that I could entertain the thought that God would accept an invitation from little and broken me. But the wonderful truth is that He has given us the ability to accept an invitation from wonderful, astounding, incredible Him. Prayer for us is surrender, but it’s also coming home. It’s dwelling for awhile at the feet of our Father in the warmth of the home He has prepared for us. He is our home. And prayer is a gift that we might know Him better. He speaks to us and strengthens us and gives us peace through it. When we realize that when we pray we are speaking to one who loves us more than anyone else ever could, we are able to grasp its depth and its necessity for our souls. This world will make us homesick with all of its brokenness, but prayer will open wide deeper relationship with our Father. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Days 23 & 24


Dear Reader, 

If you say a word over and over again it sometimes feels as if it loses its meaning. It becomes just a strange sound to the ear without any real identifying purpose behind it. This same thing also sometimes happens when we hear the same message over and over again. We hear the words. We hear the sounds they make. But we’ve stopped letting it saturate our souls and instead allow it to fall limp on our closing ears. We don’t do this intentionally. What happens is that what once seemed extraordinary suddenly becomes ordinary in the context of the repetition. It’s no longer new or fresh. We’ve tired of the sound it makes in our lives and we rest complacent on the truth that what once lit a fire beneath us now simply keeps us lukewarm. God says, His mercies are new every morning. The Joy about Jesus is that there is nothing about Him that becomes stale. Perhaps when our prayers begin to become repetition of sounds and words it is because we’ve stopped entering into the honest conversation God had wanted from us, and started repeating our desires to a point where they no longer feel real. For me, the key to really communing with God is to come with fresh requests and with fresh perspective each day. We might be praying for the same thing over and over, but our circumstances change from day to day. Whether it be slight or major changes, the truth is that no day is ever exactly the same and therefore our prayers, if they are revealing the truth of our daily lives, won’t remain the same either. Each night when I pray “Grow my family” I’m learning that my heart contains different thoughts on that subject than it did the day before. Sometimes my heart feels more open and sometimes it feels painstakingly closed. Each change I need to discuss with God. Only He can bring what my heart needs that day. If what you are praying for these 40 days has started to feel stale and no longer real, ask God for a new perspective on it. Remember His mercies are new every morning. While He stays the same through the ages His mercy and grace and power eternally astounds us. Look for this, and you will find that the repetition of this life suddenly becomes more distinctly eye opening.

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer 

40 Days of Prayer: Conversations With The King Day 22


Dear Reader, 

Life takes time, but I often want my prayers answered in an instant. I’m learning that as years go by I’m learning more about God and understanding why He answers me in the way that He does and within the timelines He creates. Time gives way for reflection. It saturates our bones and it whispers wisdom and truth down into our souls. We rarely understand why things happen while we are still in the moment, but when we step away from it into a new season of life we find that things become more clear and we are able to see how God was simply fitting together all the missing pieces. We see things close up and out of focus, but He sees things and people in their entirety. He can’t give away the ending to us because then maybe we would never chose to live out the moments that get us there. Maybe we would miss out on all the beauty He weaves if we already had all the answers. I think of who I was five years ago and I know there are things in my life today that I simply could not accept back then. Five years ago there was no way I could be who I am now. I hadn’t lived it out yet. I hadn’t wrestled. I hadn’t reflected. I was looking at everything at face value, looking it all right in the eyes but couldn’t see anything from a different perspective. I know five years from now the same will hold true, that I wasn’t capable of being who I will be then while I’m standing where I am now. And so when we ask God why He is taking all the time in the world to answer our prayers, we must understand that it is because God works for Good and anything Good is worth all the time that God invests into it. There is reason and purpose and beauty to your story, but we must live to find it. We must walk through fire to experience true Grace. We must surrender to understand real freedom. And we must love deep to understand what God really means when He says He loves us. Prayer is the caption on the winding of time. It’s how we walked and talked with God as He lived out our stories with us. He is present and He is real and He is the time weaver and the Joy bringer and the Grace giver. Praise Him for all the time He has given us, and all the words He still has yet to say to us. 

In Him, 

A Fellow Grace Wanderer